the many iterations of your freelance career

Are you feeling stuck right now?

Me too.

I think that's the remnants from the full moon in Pisces. Well, to clarify, I think that because of the monthly forecast I get from Soulshine Astrology's newsletter. Here's what she had to say about the energy last week:

WEDNESDAY - Venus opposes Saturn Rx + Sun trines Uranus Rx // Mid-week, it is very easy to feel the ways you are out of alignment in your life or work and it may feel like you have a LOT to do to get on track with where you want to be. Luckily, Uranus' electric energy gives us a boost and helps us find more innovative solutions that can help us quickly get out of a rut.

These parts struck me the most: "easy to feel the ways you are out of alignment in your life or work" and "may feel like you have a LOT to do to get on track with where you want to be."

If you follow along on Instagram then you know I went on a mad spree last week, changing my Instagram bio upwards of 20 times only to still not have it say everything I truly want it to.

The thing is: we're never going to get to that "point" we all imagine. You know, the one where we've climbed all the way to the top and we never have doubt, problems, or feelings that arise that make us feel unworthy of all we've accomplished.

We're always going to feel those things. We're always going to want to get to the end, the top, the place where we feel successful, accomplished.

But what if a successful freelance career isn't about the accolades, the money, the feeling of "Wow. I made it." What if it's about learning to roll with the emotions that come from creating your own reality?

The most important part of that? Allowing ourselves to be content with where we are now.

At least, that's how I'm choosing to look at it.

With that in mind, I want to share with you what my freelance career has looked like, in each iteration... the mess AND the magic.

The first iteration

The first iteration of my freelance career was when I took the leap into freelancing. Mind you, this was straight from graduate school (which was straight after undergrad). I was 24 years old.

The self-doubt was STRONG. I was leaning hard into what others wanted me to do for them rather than creating services based on what I wanted to provide. In my first contract job, I was basically an employee without benefits.

We all start somewhere, right?

I started with fear, doubt, perfectionist tendencies, and a desire to feel fulfilled (or more like... to fill the whole I felt within myself).

This was the season where all I wanted was to be successful. Whatever that means.

The second iteration

The second iteration of my freelance career was when I decided to invest in myself and join a mastermind. This didn't come until a year and a half after I began freelancing. I had some great income, great clients, but I was still working with a client who was telling me what to do.

I felt more confident than I ever, but I still wasn't being true to myself. The kicker? I THOUGHT I was being authentic. But I was doing too much scrolling and comparing for that to be true.

I was idolizing the lives of others and going after their goals, unsure of why I remained frustrated despite the actions I was taking to progress. I realized after nearly a year that I couldn't get anywhere if I didn't even know where I wanted to go.

This was the season when all I wanted was to understand myself.

The third iteration

The third iteration of my freelance career? This is where I'm at right now.

This is the season when all I want is to express myself.

I want to create things I'm proud of. Work on projects that light me up. Say things I mean. Write words I believe in.

Now, I feel more connected with who I am, what I enjoy doing, and how I identify with the world around me than ever before. And I am using this clarity to catapult me into this new season of my career, of my life.

It's new, It's different. It's unknown. It's full of possibilities.

I expect there to be many more iterations of my career as a freelancer. I want to be open and honest that the shifts and changes are scary and complicated to navigate, but they remind me to be content with where I am now. Where I'm supposed to be.

I hope this inspires you to be too.